Casa de Teagan

Dear Teagan,

How’s it going my battlestar glactic sister? I hope you’re being careful with who you tell you’re a cyborg too. Some of your other cyborg friends will totally narc you out. but yeah have fun doing spacey things. later.

Teagan

Dear Gary,

I know you’ve been in a bunch of movies and stuff but i don’t really care. Your face creeps me out. okay.

Dear hips,

Why do you insist on running into everything? I hate that. Door frames, people, desks, chairs, dogs, tables, EVERYTHING?!?! And i don’t get it you’re not even that big, you’re like a magnet for disaster. And if that’s not enough, you influence my shoulders to run into door frames and doors too! Jeez, stop ruining my life. But thanks for looking nice. ;]

Love Teagan

Dear Cocaine,

I’m never going to try you, or any of your brothers or sisters, i just want to say that i don’t like how you rupture inside of drug mules and kill them. Yeah they shouldn’t be smuggling you into the country, and yeah all drugs should just be made legal and put a reallllllly high tax on them so no one would really buy them, but i think that you cocaine keep fucking people over. You’re bad. I used to think you were sugar when i was a kid and saw you on tv. now i know you suck.

Love Teagan.

Dear ceasar,

I Love you buddy. I’m happy you survived the surgery. I’m not happy that now you abuse how much we love you by crying every 10 minutes to go outside. I KNOW you don’t have to go but whatever i take you out anyways. Thanks for always being a jerk to the people who came over that i didn’t like. Thanks for caring the robbers away. You’ve been awesome and even though we’ve spend $2,000+ dollars on you these past two months and now we can’t go to rome or disney world, you were well worth it. Except for how you ate the stitches off right away and we had to take you back and spend more money….

I love you Ceasar!

Teagan.

Dear goat,

I remember back when my grandma owned you and you knocked my little sister over time and time again. I hate you. You made her cry. AND you tried to eat my shirt. You piece of poop. I’m happy you died. I don’t remember how you died or where you went i’m just happy i don’t have to see you in the backyard any more.

HATE YOU,

Teagan

Dear animals,

I like you. A.LOT. ‘nough said.

LOVE Teagan.

Especially honey badgers.

Dear Facebook,

No i will not call you mister facebook you can make my grades drop. The hours i spent on you have amounted to nothing. Just because people can look at all my pictures and what i post DOES NOT MEAN THE KNOW ME! I hate it when i delete someone who i haven’t talked to in forever and i get a friends request and new message asking why i deleted them…OBVIOUSLY because we don’t talk. They just creep on my life and pretend like they actually know me when all they see are my posts. Facebook you suck.

Love Teagan.

Dead Chris Redfield,

Why do you insist on going down the long hallways, also referred to as the “zombie” hallways. Come on you would think after like 6 games you would have figured out correlation that the longer the hallway the more likely zombies were going to attack. But way to kick ass.

Love Teagan.

Dear Bed,

I love you so much more now that i fixed those squeaks you used to make. And now that you have bamboo sushi on you and PAPI on the desk and the christmas lights around you. You’re awesome DON’T change!

Dear spaghetti,

Every time i hear you come out of someones mouth i fall in love with them for a second. BUT i hate it when people can’t spell you. Why would anyone spell you “sparegittie” “sagehti” “spagathi” or however else they spell you. It is however understandable that they might shorten you to “sketti” “scatti” “ghetti” but i love you because i know when i hear you, i’m about to eat some delicious food.

Love Teagan.

Dear…word i don’t like,

I don’t like you soooooo much that i don’t have a clue as to what you are.

Love Teagan.

Dear Unicorns,

I believed you were real up until around middle school.  Why did voldermort eat all of you? I wish i could ride one of you around the mall. Why the mall you ask? because then i’d get free shit because i’m riding a unicorn. Also at the mall because i had a dream where the last unicorn came running out of potomac mills one sunny day. so how about you come over to my house for some tea and crumpets and we’ll get to chatting and then go to the mall!

Love Teagan.

P.S. I would never sell you to the government so they could dissect you. I’m not like that at all.

You smelled. Yuck. Please smell better.

love Teagan.